My sweet charade.

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, February 28

i'm living the american dream.

'power! zap!' (okay sadly that's all i rmb from The Glass Menagerie. sheesh.)

but anyway, the whole era where anything and everything is possible, where science is the new religion, technology is spelt with a capital T and time travel not as distant a possibility. ( act i dunno. they may have already invented the teleporter now for all i know. haha. okay i digress. i think The Illusionist is an interesting watch. some pretty cool stuff.) i'm living one year ahead of time, resulting in me pulling out 50 something files, under the impression that the loans are going to expire soon. took me quite some time (and some effort, having to put back the files) to realise that 2008 is in, uh, 10 months time. no wonder my supervisor gave me the blank look and kept repeating "don't need".

first its 2006, then its 2008. what's wrong with 2007? the release of A level results is what's wrong, alright. i'm thoroughly amazed at the extent my brain goes to to omit undesirable events.

and the A level results? not unlike the american dream, where the case of nerves, anticipation and just the right amount of Lost and Uncertainty proclaims that anything is possible.

urgh.

`swirl me away
9:28 AM

`my swirls-*

Monday, February 26

some people make their already complicated life even more complicated to appease their need for control, and for that satisfying sense of accomplishment.

how often have you caught yourself adding small insignificant things to do in your to-do list, just so that you can strike it off and say that you've done it? how often have you found yourself adding something that has already been done to your to-do list and striking it out for that immediate gratification?

its all boils down to relativity.

and some major self delusion.

people live on the fringes of life searching for a space with the most breathing pockets (read space for self delusion), and this space, they call it their own. sort of like a personal panic room, no?

self delude, but in moderation.

reminder to self: eh you. you do that too.

huh.

some people never change.

act people don't change. they modify, which is change, in moderation.

haha okay i'm sounding sick in the head now, so i shall stop.

but still, some people never change. they just appear in different degrees of manifestations of themselves.

-thank God for archives.

`swirl me away
5:49 PM

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, February 21

i don't know how you do it but it happens everytime. i get completely wrapped up in myself, but when you provide me with an opportunity to wallow in self pity, to whine and to complain, i'm somehow reminded that there are other people out there and they too, mind. there'll always be this internal argument (its more of reasoning, really.) within me whenever you ask, "tough day?", (not unlike our spoken 'arguments' whenever i hit one of my numerous patches of indecisiveness. [i get so amused whenever i think about them.]) and i realise that things aren't so bad, so larger than life after all.

i don't know how you do it, but you always manage soothe my ruffled feathers by doing almost nothing at all.

or perhaps, caring isn't 'just' caring, like what everyone always says, and it definitely ain't simple, cos maybe -- for i know nothing can be an everything, but just maybe, caring, in some cases, is almost everything.

-but still, i say, wow.

`swirl me away
6:22 PM

`my swirls-*

Friday, February 16

i think i'm still stuck in 2006. i keep on writing the dates wrongly. i feel so comfortable with 2006, i get surprised when a 2007 pops up. i think, 'oh that's next year', then i remember that this is 2007.

i have selective memory, or perhaps i just need to clear away some of my memory daily. so anyway, last sat, 2pm. i was taking the train to orchard. well. i havent been taking trains on weekend afternoons, so it has been quite a while since i saw the 'younger crowd'. it was quite a refreshing experience. don't get me wrong. they were annoying, alright, but just the right amount of annoying-ness you would expect from them, so you forgive them. and anyway, they were keeping me amused throughout the whole trip. the vibes i got from them were so strong, and they fall roughly into 6 categories as follows:

the huh what. i've got the whole world under my feet, so don't come bother me.
the i'm oozing coolness naturally -- believe it! (usually found listening to their mp3, hand(s) jammed in the pockets of their jeans.)
the i like, totally fit in; i'm mr/miss popular, everyone wants to be my friend
the yer know, i don't really care whatcha think, cos i think i'm way cool (ie. you're not) so eat your heart out. (note: do not confuse with category 1)
the miii-andd-euuu-friendx-forevazzz-mauckxx, which also falls in with the i-lurbbe-twinxx-and-SHE-theyy-ishh-sho-kool-theyy-r[a]wkzz-maii-lyf. (they're easilty identified by their trademark, hair at both sides of their head they so conveniently forget to tie up together with the rest.)
and lastly, various combinations of the above.

haha. amusing, especially when you once fallen into one (or more) of those catagories. strangely, it was endearing too.

last evening in the train saw a group of dhs students, and suddenly, i miss the secondary school times, when no one really bothered about studies. (okay at least i didn't. well. not that much, even if i did bother.) i didn't realise it, but now, coming to think of it, i'm pretty sure the heck-care, laid back attitude belongs, exclusively, to secondary school.

and this came as a shock to me (really!), but i actually miss it.

gosh.

`swirl me away
3:08 PM

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, February 14

people must think i'm crazy.

i walk and smile to myself. i eat and smile to myself. i work and smile to myself too.

ah what the hell. eh you! yea you.(: thank you for the delivery.*BIGGHUGS.((:

to qixin, joan, peifang, louisa, the Women and all other loved ones: i love you people too. happy valentine's! *hugg.(:

`swirl me away
4:10 PM

`my swirls-*

Sunday, February 11

my ears were nearly blasted out of my skull on friday night. my brains too, for that matter, all thanks to uber loud noise that's supposed to be called music and the throbbing headache that resulted from it. there are even people applauding, what the freak (said in THE tone, if you please. haha). really. i bet these people have never heard of jazz and bossa nova. there's nothing like a little chuck mangione (and dammit he's good), i tell you. i'm not sorry about the funny faces i made. it was antagonizing and i don't really fancy getting my ears assulted for four straight hours, so there. heh.

anyhows i traded three late nights, sleep, books, a fraction of my pay and look what i've got. a pretty pretty handmade pillow. the stiches around the squares reminds me of baby blankets.(: it was all worth it, and i'm really quite surprised at what i can do, given the time and capital. boy am i proud of myself. haha. didn't have time to take a picture of the pillow cos i only managed to finish the pillow just half an hour before i'm supposed to pass it to its recipient. bahh. i want a picture of the pillow!

oh yes and the muffins too, although i think the choc chip muffins are abit taxing on the teeth due to the wrong type of flour. but oh wells!(:

the illusionist was not too bad. the tricks and images conjured up were really quite cool. and we met people. well. john and daniel didn't look too bad botak la. haha.

oh the sore throat is back. again. sick(ening).

okay fine the main reason why i'm blogging is because i'm bored out of my brains. (yes i did manage to keep my brains in my head on friday night. applaud me please.) alrights i'm going off to do something more productive, like painting my toenails. bye!

--

-"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."

- Bill Clinton

-"...more and more of our imports are coming from overseas."

-George W. Bush

-"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

- Sign in Budapest Zoo

-"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

- Mariah Carey

-"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."

- Alan Minter, Boxer

-"Cars will not have Intercourse on this Bridge."

-Tokyo, Japan traffic sign

wth. hahaha.

`swirl me away
3:19 PM

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, February 7

a sultry saturday evening. lampshades, cushy swirl chairs, wine, gin, tequila, and luxurious, luxurious red. bold and intimate, a fantasy dressing room. artful cheorography with naked female beauty and sass gives a combination that tantalizes the senses. masters, or rather, mistresses of illusion.

the only catch: mosquitoes.

so it was to zuoyi's place on sunday evening. imagine. six months down the road we won't be waiting for buses which never seem to arrive when we want them to. instead we'll be crowding zuoyi's street and vying for space to park our cars. gosh. anyhows, maybe there's hope yet for singapore football. hm.

tuesday night was spent on looking at flour, vinegar, appplesauce, and baking trays. ( and no, "baking trays" isn't on the same page as "stirring in a tablespoon". haha.)

in the meantime, i'm getting in touch with my feminine self. haha. nightime is playtime.

`swirl me away
4:14 PM

`my swirls-*

Thursday, February 1

MAS thinks that Angola isn't a country. well, wikipedia says that, quote, Angola is a country, unquote. the freaking drop down list of countries does not have Angola in it and it doesn't have an others option.

the MAS deadline is today, by 5pm. the RMs still have yet to pass me the appraisal notes for 20 of the borrowers.

hmm.

%&*!^#&!!*&&^!!!#*&$%#!!!!&%&**^@!!!!!

arghh.

--

i always wonder if you have ever stumbled upon this page, intentionally or unintentionally. what would you think of it? or rather, more to the point, what would you think of me? sometimes i walk around, hoping to just catch a glimpse of you, and i wonder if this works both ways, or is it just me.

i see myself in you. well. there are some parts of me in you, apparently.

preconceived ideas, i think, are the most interesting. you'll never know what to expect. yes?

`swirl me away
3:04 PM