My sweet charade.

`my swirls-*

Monday, May 7

NOTE: HEY. I'VE MOVED. www.sweetcharades.blogspot.com

it is amazing, fascinating, and slightly amusing really, that some of us can get so interested in any one thing and not conduct a thorough investigation for ourselves. after all, what are we but beings with too much curiousity for our own good? we care, because we affect one another in slight but inconceivable and extraordinary ways.

i say, if caring was beneath you, then don't bother involving yourself in the first place. self delusion, i think. or perhaps, just a totally different way of going about things.

above all, i find it highly, highly ironic.

after so many months later, i finally made my first appearance in that territory with someone who ( proudly) almost owns it, and what happens?

ah, but if it was just a harmless passing thing, i shall hold my peace.

right. so these few days are down to me and my sweet. oh and my five books (now down to three) and my maroon nail polish and driving and the constant browbeating of a 16 year old. plus honing the arduous skill of staying out of boredom, and keeping my sanity.

`swirl me away
4:07 PM

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, May 2

you're my bestest friend.

a girl should never have a bad day, a painfully boring day and another bad day altogether at one go. instead, she should have more good days. like today.(: and she should enjoy more good weather. like today. yay!:D

i wonder when did i stop having fun and enjoy making a fool out of myself. yes i know i do do stupid things every now and then (although more nows than thens) but its not the same and i don't play like i used to. maybe its the pressure of growing up, maybe its the pressure of watching others grow up. maybe its the weather. (okay its always the weather.) maybe its just the mindless passing of days, watching yourself fade away. or maybe, its just you, or rather, the lack thereof.

that's why i so love being with you.(:

`swirl me away
11:30 PM

`my swirls-*

Monday, April 30

i want to have my hair cut. i NEED to have my hair cut cut cut cut cut.

okay driving time.

`swirl me away
2:19 PM

`my swirls-*

Sunday, April 29

i must confess that i'm a brown paper freak. i so love brown paper; brown paper bags, brown paper envelopes and brown whatnots. brown paper leaves an impression on me.

so having said that, you must know that i totally love NUS because its envelope is so so so much more beautiful than the NTU one. (heh sorry but i only have these two to compare.)

sheesh. talk about underhand methods. they're trying to win brownpaperfreaks over with brown paper. haha! *kisses the NUS envelope*

--

vas and pris won the dance floor competition. yay i like vas and pris.(:

--

life these few days is gonna be all about laptops. i shall not wait for the next IT fair. wahaha.

okay i'm outta here.

i hope i get my laptop real soon! haha. :D

BYE!

`swirl me away
11:10 PM

`my swirls-*

Thursday, April 26

i knew it wasn't on purpose and its most probably one of the mindless things you do, but it hit home.

damn, but it hurts when some ppl who are supposed to know you don't. worse, they put you under stereotypes. even worse, i'm classified under the air-headed, rich, wimpy, bubblegum pink, all hearts and flowers, sugar-daddy-hunting, money-lovin', money hunting, and, i hate to say this,stupid category. it stinks, and before you join forces with this certain person and say aye, i shall let you know that no, i do not own a single pair of designer sunglasses the only pair i own is the eight or six dollar pair i bought in hongkong, and its fake. i do not own clothes costing above 70 bucks except for the two prom dresses i have. i have no Gucci, Chanel, Armani, Prada, and, i don't know, true religion? hanging in my closet. i do not own all the accessories there are to own in the world. i do not live and die for money, and i am not stupid. ( fine i see you throwing my results in my face but i do have some smarts okay.) but why am i even saying this? i already come with a label in your head.

deep down inside, you belittle me and look at me with disdain. don't ask me how i know. it takes one to know one. (yes i speak of your one thousand and one faults, but because i know that's just the way you are, i don't put (my) words into your mouth, unlike you.)

--

i can't believe i'm actually trying to prove myself and being so childish via blog, but you bet this is the last time i'm going to do this.

YOU. i had enough, god dammit. you stop thinking and believing and treating me like i'm a freaking. walking. Paragon.

`swirl me away
7:33 PM

`my swirls-*

Wednesday, April 25

after a two year's hiatus, it has come back to haunt me, this blind man's game. i never did like playing it, even when i was young. i'm wary, i'm exhausted, and i'm tired of having to do these things alone. its closing in, getting claustrophobic. plans laid out and discussed, plans for the future, plans that were supposed to work out are all bull now, and i'm on the verge of panic. ha who am i kidding. panic is well on its way to full-blown terror.

but i suppose life will have it no other way, huh. some things are just meant to be done alone.

--

there's this ntu biz thing this sun, and i know no one else who is going. argh. why does ntu have to be situated at some far, godforsaken place its furthur than my aunt's place and i have not visited her since sec two because she stays in freaking jurong. arghh this is stupid stupid stupid.

heh. life's a hoot.

`swirl me away
12:45 PM

finally, a practical test date.(:

`swirl me away
2:44 AM

`my swirls-*

Sunday, April 22

this is going to be a trashy post. i'm riled up, forgive me.

a weird day. today was one of those times when you get out of bed not feeling yourself and the day starts off too fast for you to catch up. its like travelling at 15km/h in fourth gear. and then when you feel that you could bum along quietly for at least the next say, 15 hours, the day takes a turn for the worse. before you attempt suicide (or in my case kick the national library's door), it suddenly becomes good, or maybe as good as it can get, since there's no way i'm gonna be secured a place in nus law. its all the weirder when my day mainly revolves around one issue. one main issue. one big main issue.

so anyway, i got out of bed in a somewhat weird mood, cos i have auto self-psycho-ing mechanism that kicks in full gear when i wake up grouchy. the day began dipping during breakfast, when mummy announced that nus law is a goner and qixin called and said the fac only entertains three As. right. so byebye nus law, now and forever. forgive me if i'm abit bitter abt it, but they cheated me, those cuckoos. (i was under the impression that gp grades were more impt.) ah well. give me some time. i'm grieving. hehheh.

alrights moving on. i made the huge error of donning jeans and was late for my trial test. yay i didn't fail any papers, so it was good. i was practically starving when it ended, and the aunty at the cdc cafeteria refused to sell me fish fillet. sigh. after that it was parkway and a good and sinful lunch. hiked about abit (my heels made me feel like i was hiking. i'm in a freaking desperate need of new, comfortable and breath-able heels) under the stupid sun. i was melting when i reached the bus stop. napped and watched abit of spiderman after that, before taking cab with wei to smu for his interview. i was supposed to go to the national library in the meantime but guess what. i got lost and after trekking all the way to the nanyang academy of fine arts and back to smu twice and working up a rage, i found my way to ps in the vile, vile, vile weather. great. i almost froze (it must be the result of being ard guys a guy too much. i almost typed 'my balls off'. haha!) to death in ps.

well the good thing is, i did get to the national library, by train and after a mos shake and a croquette. and. i borrowed the max number of books my card allowed me to. ahh. book therapy. oh. in my delight i forgot to kick the library's door, but ah well. i can always do it the next time. haha.

right. after reaching home i found out that ntu sent me a letter, and so marks the start of the grueling debate of ntu biz vs nus biz (if nus takes pity on me and gives me my second choice, that is.) sheesh. but a relief, anyway. i thought ntu biz required an interview. but anyhows, there's back up now! yay! haha.(: who cares about nus law, anyway. bahh.

okay phew. its all out. alrights i'm off to read. BYE.(:

`swirl me away
12:25 AM